Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
