For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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