the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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