so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
