3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
