just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
