Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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