New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
