Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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