how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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