this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
