You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
