I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
