My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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