you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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