To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
