what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
