Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
