last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
