girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
