brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
