I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how can u be prego again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
