i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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