I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
