She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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