There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
