Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
