i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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