we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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