Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
