whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
