Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
