i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
