we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
