the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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