My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
