I accidentally had phone sex last night
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
