I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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