If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
