He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
