So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
