They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
