i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
