That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
