So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
