i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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