i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
