tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
porn star boner night. come get it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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