I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
