Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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